Well, here I am at 2 a.m. on Saturday morning.  I can’t sleep again.  It hasn’t hit me like this for a couple of weeks.  But I went to bed with too many things on my mind.

First, I miss my kids.  I spent last weekend with Josh and Kaitlyn.  It was a really good weekend.  Everyone had a good time and we enjoyed hanging out.  But when I took them home Sunday night, something happened at the “wrong time”.  You see when I take them home, I spend the first 30 minutes or so on the ride back home in tears.  They never see this.  Well, last weekend, I spent about an hour crying while I was driving them home.  I think Josh noticed it, but didn’t say anything about it.  Josh, if you are reading this… thanks for not saying anything.  But after 45 minutes of this, Kaitlyn looked over at me and said, “Dad!  Why are you crying?”  Before I could reply, Josh responded from the back seat… “Uh, duh, Kaitlyn.  Dad doesn’t want to take us home.  He misses us.”

How true!  I miss my kids every day.  Even now as I type this, I am having a hard time reading this because of the tears welling up in my eyes.  If anyone says that sin does not cause pain on the sinner or others, they are either lying or blind.

Second, there is something that has been creeping up on me.  I mentioned it in a previous post on this blog.  But now instead of little subtle things grabbing my attention, God is yelling at me.  Maybe He is yelling or maybe I am opening my ears.  But I can tell you that I am feeling Him near me.  I am more sensitive to His Presence.  It is both a wonderful thing to realize, but it is scaring the… well, lets just say that its scaring me.

I tuned in the local Christian radio station about two weeks ago.  Last weekend as the kids and I were driving down to VA, Josh and I were singing the worship song together with the radio.  Neither of us had heard “Shout to the Lord” in a long time… and there we were, riding down the road singing at the top of our lungs… while Kaitlyn lay in the front seat asleep.  God, how I miss being in worship with my kids.

Tonight (Good Friday) I was working on a puzzle for Kaitlyn’s room while listening to Christmas music.  Yes, my family knows that I am crazy!  But we need to have Christmas if there is to be an Easter.  Anyway, I went to bed shifting to worship music.  Hoping it would help settle my mind and let me sleep.  No such luck…

I guess I will put my insomnia to good use and spend time seeking God…

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