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Guardian Angels

Tonight as I finished up the last post, an old brother from Word of Life talked with me on Facebook. We talked for almost 2 hours. I didn’t know you could cut through the fog at 4 a.m. with no sleep. Thanks, Mike.

Well, here I am at 2 a.m. on Saturday morning.  I can’t sleep again.  It hasn’t hit me like this for a couple of weeks.  But I went to bed with too many things on my mind.

First, I miss my kids.  I spent last weekend with Josh and Kaitlyn.  It was a really good weekend.  Everyone had a good time and we enjoyed hanging out.  But when I took them home Sunday night, something happened at the “wrong time”.  You see when I take them home, I spend the first 30 minutes or so on the ride back home in tears.  They never see this.  Well, last weekend, I spent about an hour crying while I was driving them home.  I think Josh noticed it, but didn’t say anything about it.  Josh, if you are reading this… thanks for not saying anything.  But after 45 minutes of this, Kaitlyn looked over at me and said, “Dad!  Why are you crying?”  Before I could reply, Josh responded from the back seat… “Uh, duh, Kaitlyn.  Dad doesn’t want to take us home.  He misses us.”

How true!  I miss my kids every day.  Even now as I type this, I am having a hard time reading this because of the tears welling up in my eyes.  If anyone says that sin does not cause pain on the sinner or others, they are either lying or blind.

Second, there is something that has been creeping up on me.  I mentioned it in a previous post on this blog.  But now instead of little subtle things grabbing my attention, God is yelling at me.  Maybe He is yelling or maybe I am opening my ears.  But I can tell you that I am feeling Him near me.  I am more sensitive to His Presence.  It is both a wonderful thing to realize, but it is scaring the… well, lets just say that its scaring me.

I tuned in the local Christian radio station about two weeks ago.  Last weekend as the kids and I were driving down to VA, Josh and I were singing the worship song together with the radio.  Neither of us had heard “Shout to the Lord” in a long time… and there we were, riding down the road singing at the top of our lungs… while Kaitlyn lay in the front seat asleep.  God, how I miss being in worship with my kids.

Tonight (Good Friday) I was working on a puzzle for Kaitlyn’s room while listening to Christmas music.  Yes, my family knows that I am crazy!  But we need to have Christmas if there is to be an Easter.  Anyway, I went to bed shifting to worship music.  Hoping it would help settle my mind and let me sleep.  No such luck…

I guess I will put my insomnia to good use and spend time seeking God…

Two weeks ago, I was visiting a church with a friend where the pastor was speaking from John 4 (the woman at the well in Samaria). When he boiled it down to two points (and there are many), was amazed at the woman and her approach to Jesus. Not only did she speak plainly to him – she questioned him directly (even boldly), but she spoke of her own life and condition in a matter-of-fact way. She spoke with clarity from where she was – matters of the heart and her life.

Could I be that plain when I talk to Jesus?

He Won’t Leave Me Alone…

Life has gone through a series of crazy, painful and terrifying turns and changes.  I am somewhere that six months ago, I thought I would never be.  Through it all, as much as I acknowledge and love God, I thought he had turned from me.  But today I feel God in a stronger way than I have in many, many months.  I don’t know why, but He won’t let me alone.

God’s Fingerprint

Blessings come in a variety of ways… and packages… I am glad that I am blessed… ;~)

Its been a while since I posted anything here.  And it has been very eventful.  Two different jobs that are going different directions… ;~()   People dropping little blessings into our lives.  A great church family.  And the start of baseball.  It is spring and with it comes that renewed sense of life and another chance to grow and suceed.

It is difficult to help friends when they are consumed by their own anger.  I can understand the struggle having been there a few times in my own life.  I can’t say that I handled some of those situations the right way.  But I hope that I have learned from my mistakes and sins.  And I hope that I can encouage anyone who is going through the same struggles.

If I do something wrong, then I must pay for it.  But to have to pay the consequence for someone else’s mistakes and sins; well, that stirs a greater anger deep within my soul.  And if I am not careful about this, that anger can turn on me, encouaging me to do things that are just as wrong.  Those actions can deepen the wounds that I have to experience.  But I do not always want to hear those kinds of warnings.  I need to be right.  I need to be justified.  I need to be vindicated.  When I start thinking and acting like that, I am not looking for justice, but rather vengance.

When people start seeking vengance or retribution, they stop caring about those people that are around the situation.  Some of those innocent bystanders are friends, family, co-workers… but most, if not all of them are innocents.  When innocents get hurt in this kind of a situation they are called collateral damamge.  It is sad when a good person hurts others while seeking this kind of satisfaction.  But unfortunately, it never satifies…

As far as other things in life go, we find that hope springs eternal at Easter and during this season in general.  Feeling the touch of God’s arms in a deep embrace during worship on Easter is a feeling that can carry me through the week.  Enjoying Easter afternoon at home with family is peaceful and healing.  And starting off the baseball season with a great opener at Fenway is paradise!

May you find the grace of God walking with you every step this week in all things that good and easy, as well as in every step that is difficult, dangerous and painful.

Godspeed!

Opening Day

When does Baseball start?  Can’t be soon enough…

A Wild Week…

Well, its a beautiful Sunday morning… spring has arrived!  The last couple of days brought some great news and some very stressful and troubling things at work.  But its off to enjoy a morning of worship with our church family at CFC (www.communityfellowship.com)…

God has covered us with some wise choices this past year.  We avoided some financial mistakes that would have set us behind.  But because we listened and acted wisely, we are starting to climb out of the debt-ridden chasm that we have existed in for the past couple of years (maybe longer… lol).

I also passed my life license exam on Thursday, giving me the ability to be focused on selling term life insurance and annuities.  It gives me another avenue with my new job… (thank you Lord).  Its been a long time since I took an exam that meant something (grades and money), so I was very nervous about the whole thing.

As for the other side of work and its stresses, I obviously can’t say things in detail.  That would not be proper.  But it is very frustrating when you try to do a good job and overcome the challenges that are presented with it (every job has its unique set of hardships and challenges), and those around and above you do not support you.

When people need help, they sometimes need to hear somethings that are hard to hear.  Those things are typically hard to say as well.  I’m not one that tries to push people down or out of the way.  I like to be able to encourage and lift up those around me.  I’ve spent most of my life doing that.  And right now I try to do that and it doesn’t seem to make a difference in the general setting.

I know that some of my co-workers have shown their appreciation for what I’ve done.  But there has been no recognition of a job well done or support in the difficulties from above or those that have the power to make a difference.  The sad part is that most, if not all of my co-workers feel the same way.

Well after the upheaval of this week, there are apparently going to be some changes around there.  I hope so!  We have a job to provide a needed service for people of our community – and they deserve our absolute best.

I will continue to live and work by my convictions and trust that God will lead, guide and provide each step of the way…

via con dios

The last session in our training classes this weekend dealt with ethics.  Now if you’re like me, you would be concerned about what kind of class this would be.  It could be a real snoozer.  Maybe it would become a weak version of today’s politically “correct” crap.  Or just maybe someone would ask the basic question, “What is ethics?”  and “How does it work?”

Well Mike, our instructor, nailed it on the head.  He didn’t let us off the hook and he didn’t take the safe route.  He made us go deep and go back to the start.  We didn’t just talk about doing the “right” thing as a member of the Primerica team; but he made us piece together the basic issue that we cannot separate personal ethics from profession ethics.  Nor did he let us divide right thinking from right doing.

No one is perfect or right all of the time.  But we can strive to achieve and reach for greatness – not just as business successes, but we can become great people doing great things.

Well, I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.  Sheena and Betty, two of my buddies at work, said as much earlier today.  It’s been a good weekend, but a long one.  I finished classes on Saturday, but got the stomach bug during classes – NOT FUN!

Church was great fun this morning.  Our interim pastor got installed as our permanent senior pastor today.  So it was a great celebration!  Congrats, Bobby!  We love you guys…  (www.communityfellowship.com)

I spent a couple hours crashed napping and playing some ps2 baseball with Josh.  We split the two games…

And now I’m trying to get my head lined up for tomorrow and the rest of the week.  Hopefully it will be full and productive without being hectic and draining.  Am I asking too much?  I dunno… have a great week, friends!